When People Don’t Do Well On Standardized Tests . . .

They are prone, in their stumbling travels through life, to make idiotic statements, eager at every turn to reveal themselves—into perpetuity—to be total boobs.

And then these very same individuals wonder why no one takes them seriously . . .

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In a statement released Monday, American Federation of Musicians President Ray Hair denounced the [Minnesota Orchestra] lockout, describing the decision as an “ongoing campaign of economic terrorism that management is waging against the musicians of this great orchestra.”

“Economic terrorism”?

Mr. Hair appears to be the unfortunate victim of some cruel brain-cell-outflow disease that has now reached a critical stage.

Or perhaps he’s simply having a bad-Hair lifetime, one long-term effect of which is to have caused his brain to shrink to the size of a three-year-old’s.

Whatever the cause of his malady, I wish Mr. Hair all the best in finding a remedy for what clearly has become a most dire situation.

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If you want to know who’s responsible for the contract stalemates with both major orchestras in town, [the Minnesota Orchestra and the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra], point your fingers at Rupert Murdoch, the Koch Brothers and every other hand twisting the screwdriver of economic conservatism.

Matt Peiken, “editor” of a website, MNuet.com, and former reporter for the Saint Paul Pioneer-Press (until his discharge from the latter publication), authored the above bit of profound foolishness.

A photograph of Mr. Peiken appears on the MNuet.com website.

The photograph explains everything. Any further comment from me would be superfluous.

I would reproduce the photograph here as a courtesy to readers, but to do so would be a violation of Blogger’s “Terms Of Service”. I agreed, in setting up my Blogger account, not to publish offensive materials, including offensive photographs.

The photograph of Mr. Peiken is very, very offensive.

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When asked what might be an ideal piece for the show, [Anthony Ross, Principal Cellist of the Minnesota Orchestra], smiled wryly.

"Shostakovich Five?” he said. "You know, there was so much great art that came out of Russia when Stalin was abusing its population. Do we feel abused? Maybe.”

Ah, there’s nothing classier than comparing the annihilation of tens of millions of innocent persons by one of the 20th Century’s greatest monsters with the actions of the Minnesota Orchestra Board Of Trustees, is there, Mr. Ross?

You certainly know how to keep things in proper perspective!

Congratulations!

And I hope never to see you again on the stage of Orchestra Hall, Mr. Ross. Your presence would soil the very ground on which Orchestra Hall rests.

Perhaps, at long last, Mr. Ross, it is time for you to move on to a position more in keeping with your talent level? And allow a better musician and better instrumentalist to occupy your chair? The Minnesota Orchestra is in dire need of a fresh infusion of talent. It surely is unnecessary for me to have to point out to you, Mr. Ross, that such ensembles as the Cleveland Orchestra and the Chicago Symphony put the Minnesota Orchestra to shame.

Might I suggest, Mr. Ross, that you look at the Toledo Symphony? Or the Tulsa Philharmonic? If necessary, I would be happy to recommend additional ensembles suitable for your particular—and limited—skill set.

No matter where you end up, Mr. Ross, please move on—and please do so without delay.

I would never be able to attend another Minnesota Orchestra concert with you onstage.

You are vile.